


I don't want to miss a thing

by I_hate_mages_No_you_dont



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fenders, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:38:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_hate_mages_No_you_dont/pseuds/I_hate_mages_No_you_dont
Summary: Songfic based on the song of the same title.Anders lies awake next to Fenris and can't stop thinking.(by kittenmage)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my attempt to fill the 365k365day challenge.  
> Made up my mind to give it a try, then heard this song in the radio again and I could only think of one possible setting for this. I am sorry.  
> I really am!

The night air brushed over them through the open window. It was quite chill against their skin. Yet Fenris realized none of it. He was already fast asleep. One hand curled up underneath his head and the small worn out, embroidered pillow, the other securely holding on to Anders’ linen night shirt. As if to keep the mage from running away. Anders smiled at the ridiculousness of his own thought. “I’ll be here until you stop breathing…”, he whispered close to Fenris’ ear, which made it twitch a little.

 _‘…or until you realize what I have done…’_ , he added in his thoughts.

The mage reached out to gently brush away a strand of hair that had fallen into Fenris’ face, covering his eyes. The elf smiled as if in response and edged even closer towards Anders. “I wonder what you’re dreaming of…” Anders took a hold of the blanket and tucked it closer around them to keep out the cold wind and metaphorically speaking the rest of Thedas. What would he give to spend the rest of his life in Fenris’ embrace? To give the rest of the “forever” of his short Grey Warden life span to Fenris. He had never said it aloud, but these serene moments of the night, when Fenris calmly slept beside him, were Anders’ most treasured memories.

 ** _‘Sleep! You’ll need all your strength tomorrow!’_** Justice commanded with an air of indignation. The spirit’s voice had over the years more and more shifted into something more alike to Anders’ own. Slightly airier. A little deeper. Yet unmistakably more Anders. Anders had trouble to distinguish his own thoughts from the spirit’s these days. Maybe it didn’t even matter any longer.

 _‘I don’t want to close my eyes yet! Please. I don’t want to fall asleep! I only have tonight left…’_ A soft huff ghosted through the back of his mind and Justice receded slowly. He seemed to understand Anders’ need to take in this moment and memorize every second of it for the short time that was left to them. For the deed was almost down now. Justice could allow Anders to have this last night with Fenris.

“I will miss you…” Another strand that clung to Fenris’ brow was carefully brushed aside by Anders’ fingertips. _‘…if I fall asleep now I will miss all of this. You in my arms. Your soft breathing. Your beautiful smile you never show the world, only me. Even dreaming of you wouldn’t be acceptable!’_ It would probably after all only be another desire demon, trying to lure Anders towards them. But he could always tell! Always. Even from the very beginning Anders could tell the difference between the real Fenris and the made-up temptations the Fade offered to him. _‘No… I won’t sleep! Tomorrow will come fast enough and tonight I don’t want to miss one moment of you.’_ His lips were pressed together tightly, Anders’ brows furrowed in concentration.

Anders closed the tiny gap that was still left between them by shuffling even closer. He could feel the strong even heartbeat under is fingers as he placed one hand on Fenris’ chest. Another smile washed over Fenris’ face and the elf sleepily nuzzled his head into the crook of Anders’ neck. A soft “Amatus” escaped his lips before he sunk back into a deep slumber. Anders’ hand had started to draw idle patterns on Fenris’ back by now. _‘I wonder what you’re dreaming… maybe about me…’_

Anders’ own smile turned sad. He carefully shifted slightly to place a fleeting kiss on Fenris’ brow. And then another. And another. Until Fenris’ nose scrunched up as if to shoo away whatever was disturbing his sleep. _‘Thank the Maker I found you, Fenris!... or that you found me!’_

And in this moment, Anders’ heart seared with longing. The insatiable wish to stay exactly where he was. With the man he loved. Forever.

He knew that by dawn, he would have to act. He would have to place the final blow in his struggle for freedom for mages. And it would in all likelihood cost his life. And surely the love of the elf currently curled into his side.

Without consciously choosing to do so, his hold on Fenris tightened again.

But it was not dawn yet.

Tonight, Anders didn’t want to miss one silent smile. He would continue to place soft kisses on Fenris’ head and hair and lips and shoulder, careful not to wake him. Tonight, he wanted to be nowhere else. _‘I want to be with you! Right here! Just like this! Forever!’_

Anders cautiously adjusted his hand on Fenris’ back to press them even closer together. Their bodies touching wholly, Anders could almost feel the elf’s heartbeat echo through himself. His own heart seemed dead in comparison. A faint and frantic pulse. Hardly there. But Fenris was warm and alive and steady. And still with him. After all their disputes in the beginning, the misunderstanding in the middle and the unwelcome realization of feelings close to the end, Anders was beyond grateful it had come that way. Even for these short months Fenris’ love had meant more to him, than he would ever be able to tell the other man. Not after tomorrow.

Another breeze brushed over Anders’ face and the sudden chill startled him. And made him ask himself, if it would have changed anything if he and Fenris had found each other earlier? If they could have seen eye to eye from the beginning. Would everything still have gone as it did? Or would the elf’s support have changed Anders’ resolution? Anders’ anger? Anders’ hope?

Anders could feel the disapproving unease of Justice brush these thoughts away. **_‘It’s done Anders! It will all be done! Justice will be done!’_**

The mage nodded, a movement barely perceivable in the dark room. He felt tired and worn out. Yet he didn’t dare to close his eyes. He would fall asleep at last. And then he would miss the last precious moments he shared with Fenris.

 _His_ love.

_‘And I don't want to miss a thing.’_

**Author's Note:**

> despite common headcanons and Anders' horrible lute playing, I headcanon that he can in fact sing. And he would be the type to sing terribly melancholic love songs... sorry, I'm drowning in feels a little...


End file.
